Harry and Voldie Episode 1: Pilot
by Ravenclaw2
Summary: A script that's meant to be as cheesy as possible. 1 account of slapstick violence. Summary: Harry and Voldemort are forced to share an apartment in NYC. If you do review please be honest.Set after Book 7. If asked I will make more episodes.


**Harry & Voldie**

Harry Potter series and all credits go to: J.K. Rowling

Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

Hermione: But you can't leave Harry!

Ron: Leave him alone Hermione! Voldemort has run off like a sissy and he's such a laughingstock, that the Ministry won't put him on trial. He's gone soft and Harry's the hero!

Hermione: Well. If you really feel like leaving the Wizarding World, then we're coming with you! Pack!

(Hermione and Ron's trunk both pack themselves and Ginny walks in the room.)

Ginny: All packed and ready Harry?

Harry: Yup. Let's go! New York City here we come!

(Title Sequence plays with Hedwig's Theme)

Landlord: There are only two rooms left and they've both been rented!

Voldemort: But I've got the first years rent in cash right here!

Landlord: I'm sorry sir but you have to look for an apartment somewhere else.

Voldemort: Ok. Thanks anyways. (Sighs and walks over to the office door. Bumps into Harry)

Harry: You!

Voldemort: Oh Harry! What a pleasant surprise! I was just trying to get an apartment. They're all rented though.

Harry: Oh yeah. Ron and I rented the last two. Sorry about that.

Voldemort: Oh ok. (Gasps) I just got a great idea! How about I share an apartment with you?

Harry: What?

Voldemort: I have the first year's rent right here! It's even in cash!

Ginny: Harry can I talk with you for a second in private?

Harry: Sure. (Walks with Ginny over to the corner of the room.)

Ginny: Are you sure we can trust him?

Harry: Sure! I'm the Boy Who Lived for crying out loud! Besides, it would be good to keep tabs on him. It'll only be 'til he can get a place of his own.

Harry: We have a deal! (Shakes hands with Voldemort)

Voldemort: Fantastic!

Harry: So how have you been Voldemort?

Voldemort: Please! Call me Tom! (Laugh-track plays)

Harry: Ok Tom. (Harry pulls his wand out and draws a line through the apartment.) This is my side of the apartment, and the other side is yours.

Tom: Ok. Can I cross over to your side? Like you know, for meals and stuff. The T.V is over there too and I like to watch Jimmy Fallon on weekdays.

Harry: That's fine. So shall we start moving things in?

Ginny: Sounds good.

(Cuts to scene of them lugging a couch up the complex stairs.)

Tom: 1, 2, 3 GO! (Group moves the couch a little bit farther up the stairs)

Harry: Just set the couch down this Muggle work is back-breaking. (Looks around and draws wand) Flipendo! (Couch rockets up the stairs)

Tom: (lets out a girly shriek) *softly with a bewildered look* My toe.

Ginny: (looks down at Tom's foot and sees a comically large dent in it. Looks around and draws wand) Episkey!

(Tom's foot fixes)

Tom: (to Ginny) Thank you. (Attempts to hug her but Harry puts his arm in front of her)

Harry: (to Tom) Unnaturally long fingers off buddy. *cue laugh track*

Tom: (to Harry) Boundaries. Yes. My mistake. (Proudly) And don't make fun of my fingers. I'm comfortable with their size. *cue laugh track*

Harry: (to Tom and Ginny) Let's just get the couch inside the apartment. Wingardium Le-

Tom: (to Harry) No. I can do it. Flipendo! (Couch rockets into the room and crashes into the wall) Um. *laughs feebly* I can fix it. Reparo! See. Good as new.

Harry: (to Tom and Ginny) Inside now! Muggles are coming to see what happened! (runs into the apartment along with Tom and Ginny, and hears a knock on the door.) Don't worry. I'll handle it. (Runs to door and opens it)

Mrs. Wenderly: What's going on in here? I heard a crash and some gibberish words!

Harry: (to Mrs. Wenderly) Everything's fine. Just moving in and I accidentally dropped a vase.

Mrs. Wenderly: (looks behind Harry at the wall.) I don't see any broken glass though.

Harry: That's because we cleaned it up. That's all. Haveanicedaybye! (Slams door in Mrs. Wenderly's face. Laugh track plays). (to Ginny and Tom) We have to lay low! No magic unless we're in an emergency! Got it?

Ginny and Tom: Yup.

Harry: (to Tom) And you have to find a source of income. I know you have first months rent but you have to find a job so you can pay for rent at any time that's not this month. You'll also have to buy things like real clothes, and you're not going to want to stay cooped up in this place all the time so you'll need money if you want to get out of here once in awhile. Tomorrow you're going job hunting! (To Ginny and Tom) Let's move the rest of our stuff in now.

(Screen shows a sped up recording of the NYC skyline over a 1 day period)

Ginny: That's the last of it. I need to get some sleep now. Good night guys. (Goes to sleep)

Harry: I'm pooped too. See you in the morning Tom! *walks into his and Ginny's room and magically locks the door*

Tom: Oh! Fallon's on! *turns on TV and watches Late Night with Jimmy Fallon until he falls asleep on the couch*

(Screen shows the moon slowly fade until the sun is up)

Harry: (wakes up Tom) Wake up Tom! You have to get a job today.

Tom: (wakes up yelling snippets of his dream) No you shut up Carson Daly! (Sniffs) I'm up. I'm up. *laugh track plays*

(Tom gets ready and dresses in one of Harry's business suits)

Tom: *struggling for breath* The tie… is… too… tight! *Falls down. Harry helps him up and adjusts his tie.*

Harry: (to Ginny) I'm off to help Tom get a job. Are you just going to wait here?

Ginny: (to Harry) For a little while. I don't have to be at work until noon.

Harry: (to Ginny) Alright. See you tonight. *kisses Ginny on cheek*

Tom: (to Harry) Can we go now? This monkey suit is killing me! *laugh track plays*

(First few notes of Hedwig's Theme plays and the screen shows a small café named New York Coffery)

NYC Manager: (to Tom) So you want a job here. What are your skills?

Tom: Well I have good people skills, and I'm not too bad at making coffee. Only simple coffee though. None of that complicated Super Soy Latte with an infusion of newt's blood.

NYC Manager: Excuse me?

Harry: What he means to say is, he'll have to learn how to make specialty drinks and things like that.

NYC Manager: I could've sworn I heard newt's blood somewhere in that sentence.

Tom: No. I didn't say anything like that. I said Youth's Bud as in Youth's Buddy. My mind drifted off and I accidentally misspoke. Youth's Bud is an organization I created for children to go and play. Make new friends and such. Like the YMCA.

NYC Manager: Okay. It sounds like a delightful place. Might have to bring my two kids over there sometime.

Tom: Maybe. We have a great summer plan going on right now. We're even getting some new playground equipment, so that should be fun.

Harry: *daydreams of slapping Tom right across the face for blowing the interview. Snaps out of daydream after hearing "You got the Job!" *

Tom: Thank you sir! *shakes hands with NYC Manager*

NYC Manager: Please! Call me Frank.

Harry: *thinks: Merlin's Beard! He did it!*

Tom: *to NYC Manager* When do I start?

NYC Manager: As soon as you can! We'd love to have you working here as soon as you can start! You'll get $10 an hour on a 35 hour work week. You have to work for 2 and ½ days to meet the 35 hour quota.

Tom: How does tomorrow sound?

NYC Manager: Sounds great! See you then!

(Cuts to scene of Tom and Harry driving)

Harry: Youth's Bud? Seriously? That's the best you could think of? Do you realize he's going to take his kids there?

Tom: Do you have anything better? *pauses for a few seconds* Exactly.

Harry: Just forget it. Summer doesn't start for a few more weeks. We'll worry about it then. Wait. What day is it?

Tom: July 1st. Why do you ask?

Harry: Good Lord man!

Tom: What?

Harry: School is out today. Summer has begun.

Harry and Tom: AAAAHHH! *cue laugh track*

Tom: Drive man, drive!

(Tom's phone rings. He answers it.)

Tom: Hello?

NYC Manager: Hello Tom! Quick question: What time does Youth's Bud open and when does your summer program start.

Tom: We're open from 10 in the morning to 6 o' clock at night, and we open on… um… (whispers to Harry) What should I tell him?

Harry: Tell him we open on Monday that will give us five days to get the place running.

Tom: (to NYC Manager) We open on Monday sir.

NYC Manager: Great. I'll drop my kids off at 10 on Monday. Goodbye!

Tom: Bye. *hangs up* Okay. We can do this. We just need to spread some flyers for the place, and we can use magic to make the equipment. That's it. We can do this.

Harry: That sounds fine Tom but we have to find a location before we do any of that stuff. How about there? *points to empty lot*

Tom: Looks good to me.

Harry: I'll call to rent the place.

Harry: *calls the Renting Company* Yes. I'd like to rent this empty lot.

Receptionist: Can I get the address of the lot?

Harry: It's at the corner of Duncan St. Just by the New York Coffery.

Receptionist: I'm sorry sir but that lot's already been rented.

Harry: By whom?

Receptionist: It has been rented by the Walterson Institution. Is that all?

Harry: Yes. Thank you. Bye. *hangs up* Okay. Time to put magic to good use.

(First few notes of Hedwig's Theme are played as the screen shows the outside of the renting company with Harry's car parked outside.)

Harry: *walks into the building with Tom by his side. Looks around and see that the building only contains three people: Himself, Tom, and the Receptionist.*

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Harry: Confundo! You are a receptionist at this Renting Company. The empty lot at the corner of Duncan Street has been rented by Mr. H. Potter. I am Mr. H. Potter.

Receptionist: Hello Mr. Potter. Is there anything you need?

Harry: Yes. I just came in to see if the lot on Duncan Street is still secured in our name.

Receptionist: *checks computer* No. It's reserved for the Walterson Institution. I'll change that for you. There. I fixed the problem. Is that all?

Harry: Yes. Thank you. *walks out of building with Tom*

Tom: Your plan was almost perfect. There are security cameras in that place.

Harry: It's a good thing that cameras don't pick up on magic traces. As far as the security guard is concerned, we just went in and had a quick chat. Now, let's go build a day-care.

(Screen cuts to montage of Harry and Tom building Youth's Bud, placing flyers around the town. The montage is played to "Yakety Sax".)

Harry: We're done. It's finished. Let's go home.

Tom: I just want to watch Fallon and go to bed.

(Tom and Harry drive home.)

Ginny: Are you guys finished with the place?

Harry: Yup. *falls down on the couch*

Tom: *turns the TV on and tunes it to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon*

Ginny: I'll make you both some food. *waves her wad and two glasses of water appear in Tom and Harry's hands.*

Harry: Thanks honey.

Ginny: *waves her wand again and two sandwiches appear on the coffee table* Eat up.

(Harry and Tom both jump towards the food and scarf it down as fast as they can.)

Harry and Tom: *with their mouths full* More please? *cue laugh track*

Ginny: *waves her wand and a whole platter of finger sandwiches appear on the table which are easily devoured by Tom and Harry.)

Harry: Who knew working 5 days straight was so tiring? *cue laugh track*

Ginny: Well I think you guys should go to bed. You have a long day ahead of yourselves.

Harry: Sound advice. Goodnight Tom!

Tom: Goodnight Harry! See you in the morning.

(Night to Day Skyline Montage plays and the camera shows the outside of the Youth's Bud building as the first notes of Hedwig's Theme plays.)

Tom: *looks at watch* Okay. It's 9:59 a.m. Let's do this thing! *opens building doors*

(A steady flow of customers come in and after a moderate amount of children are playing on the equipment, Frank, Manager of the New York Coffery walks in with his two children.)

Tom: Hello Frank!

NYC Manager (Frank): Hello Tom! These are my two children Beth and Tyler.

Harry: Hello Beth and Tyler! My name is Harry.

(Beth and Tyler hide behind Frank)

Tyler: Stranger Danger!

Beth: Run away!

NYC Manager (Frank): It's alright. This is Tom and Harry. They're your friends. Go play and make some friends.

(Beth and Tyler run off to the equipment and play)

NYC Manager (Frank): *chuckles* Kids. Have you got any?

Harry: I have two .James and Albus. They're at their grandmother's in London right now. They should be coming back in a few weeks though. This is my wife Ginny *gestures to Ginny*

Ginny: Hello. *shakes hands with Frank* I'm Ginny.

Frank: Well I've got to get to work now. I'll be back after my shift. Bye Tyler and Beth! *leaves building*

Harry: It worked! It really worked!

(Day-to-Night footage plays and children gradually leave with their parents.)

Harry: We are making tons of money! This is crazy! Way better than my current job. I don't really want to close this place for good. I think I want to stay here. What do you guys think?

Ginny: This is WAY better than working at that convenience store. I don't want to leave this place either. I think I want to work here as well.

Tom: This was fun but I already work at the Coffery.

Harry: Well I think that decides it. I'm quitting my job and running this place.

Ginny: Me too.

(Frank walks in to pick up Beth and Tyler, the last children in the building)

Frank: Did you have fun?

Beth and Tyler: Yeah!

Beth: Can we come back here tomorrow daddy?

Frank: Sure. *places money on the counter* Goodnight guys! *leaves building with Beth and Tyler*

Harry, Ginny, and Tom: Goodnight Frank!

Harry: C'mon guys. Let's go home. *turns off building lights and goes back home with Ginny and Tom*

Tom: *turns on TV as soon as he's back home* Dang it! I missed Fallon! There's no way I'm watching Carson Daly. I need my Late Night Talk Show fix!

Harry: I think Craig Ferguson is still on.

Tom: I guess I could watch that. *changes channel*

Harry: Who's the guest tonight?

Tom: This Tom Felton fellow. Looks a LOT like that Malfoy kid.

Harry: He does! *cue laugh track* Well I think I'm gonna hit the hay. Goodnight Tom!

Tom: Goodnight Harry! *Ginny and Harry go to their room* The resemblance is just crazy!

End of Episode 1


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